Something Funny
by AcetheAlien
Summary: Scout tries to tell the Afflicter some jokes to get her to think he's funny. It doesn't go exactly as planned. Side story to La Nuevo Mercenaria.


**This was just an idea that I had in my head that I had to type out before I forgot. It's more of a side story to my main story, La Nuevo Mercenaria, which I haven't updated in almost a year. And no, I haven't forgot about it, assuming there are people who have read it. **

**But if you have read Mercenaria, this story will probably make a bit more sense, since you might already know who this "Afflicter" is. If you don't, I'll just give you a quick rundown. She's a bullfighter from Spain, who created some deadly poison darts, which are her main weapon. You can read Mercenaria if you want to know more. What? I'm not advertising. _Or am I?_**

**Anyway, this little one-shot takes place further in time than where Mercenaria is currently at. *gasp!* Spoiler Alert! There were lots of other ideas that I had but I thought, "Nah, I probably shouldn't work on this yet since I haven't gotten that far in the main story. It wouldn't make sense." This was no different. But then I thought, "You know what? Forget it! I'll just publish it now!"**

**So yeah, I guess you could call it an attempt at fluff. I don't know. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey Flicks, you wanna hear a joke?"

The Afflicter put down her book and rolled her eyes at the Scout, who decided to take a seat across from her in the RED team's lounge. She could tell she wasn't going to get him to leave her alone. "Ugh, should I even bother trying to ignore you? Fine, just tell me so I can get back to my reading."

"Okay," Scout rubbed his hands in excitement, "what do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?"

"What?"

"A ruler!" Scout started to laugh, hoping that the Afflicter would join in too. "Oh man, you gotta admit, that was a good one."

Instead, she just crossed her arms and shook her head in disappointment. "Hardly."

The Scout shrugged. "Okay, so maybe that one was a little predictable. How about this? What's the world's longest punctuation mark? The hundred yard dash!"

The Afflicter stared at him without the slightest change in her facial expression.

"Well, did you think that one was funny?" he asked her.

"No." she said bluntly.

"Man, you're not an easy one to tell jokes to." Scout groaned before perking up. "Oh! Oh! Oh! You're gonna love this one."

"I doubt it."

"Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of a game? Because he was caught stealing second base!"

The Afflicter raised an eyebrow. "I take it you were the arrested baseball player. How did you manage to pull that off?"

Scout's eager smile suddenly turned into an upset frown. "Sheesh, you don't have to be so rude!" He stood up and leaned forward in her face. "Don't you have any appreciation for humor? Do you even _have_ a sense of humor?"

"Of course I enjoy comedy." Afflicter countered, gently pushing him back. "I just don't tolerate stupidity. And I _do _have a sense of humor."

"Alright then," The Scout flashed a clever grin, "prove it. Tell me a joke."

"Gladly." She smirked, seeing this as a little competition. "What's green and has wheels?"

"Uhhh…" Scout was confused. He thought about it for a few seconds. "A green… bicycle? I don't know, what?"

"Grass. I lied about the wheels."

"Oh… wait what?!" Scout stammered, completely baffled. "What kind of joke was that?! That wasn't a joke at all, that was some kind of… anti-joke, or something like that. Jokes are supposed to be creative and funny. That wasn't either creative _or _funny!"

"That's the joke right there." The Afflicter explained. "You were expecting it to have some clever answer. But it didn't. That's what makes it amusing."

"You know Flicks, you shouldn't have to explain a joke to someone, that takes all the fun out of it." The Scout remarked. "Oh, I just remembered a good one. Does it take longer to run from first to second base, or from second to third?"

"Aren't they both equal distances?"

"Come on, just play along. From second to third, because there's a shortstop in the middle!" he chuckled to himself.

Afflicter shrugged. "You really seem to like jokes involving baseball. Figures."

At least she knew he was a big baseball fan, the Scout thought. "Alright then, here's a joke not about baseball. What did one eye say to the other?"

"I don't know, eyes can't talk."

"Between you and me, something smells!" Scout said, pointing to his nose. "Let's see one of your 'jokes' top that off."

"Why did the blonde get fired from the M&amp;M factory?" the Afflicter started.

"Ha! I know this one! Because she kept throwing away all the W's!"

She shook her head, smirking. "No, repeated absences and stealing."

"Huh?" The Scout scratched the back of his head in confusing. "Oh… I see what you did there. Heh. Not bad. I didn't see that one coming. But I'll counter that with a better joke!"

"We'll see about that."

"How does the ocean say hello? It waves!"

"Well, that does make sense." The Afflicter started looking around. "Say, is the Demoman anywhere nearby?" she asked.

"Oh, he's over there, passed out on the couch." Scout pointed to the Demoman, who sure enough, was slumped on a red couch with an empty liquor bottle in his hand, snoring. "But why'd you need to know?"

"Well, I just don't want him to get offended by this joke I'm about to tell you." Her voice got quieter. "_No está mal, pero…_" she shook her head. "Why do black people like fried chicken?"

"Pfft! What? Wow, I didn't think you were the type of person to tell a joke like that! …So why?"

"Because it tastes good."

The both turned to the Demoman, who was muttering in his sleep. "Ugggh… the lassie's riiight… fried chicken… does taste goooood."

The Scout turned back to the Afflicter. "Heh, so you really aren't the type of person to tell those kinds of jokes. Fried chicken is pretty good. Now it's my turn. Have you ever heard the joke about the butter?"

Her eyes widened. "Uh, no…?"

"Well, I better not tell, 'cause it might spread." He snickered.

"O-oh…"

"Nah, I'll tell you anyway. Why did the girl throw her butter out the window? Because she wanted to see a butterfly!" Scout started to chuckle, until he heard a very faint giggle. He eyed the Afflicter, who was cracking a small, yet genuinely happy smile. He smiled as well. The Afflicter wasn't so bad once he got past her shell.

Now it was time to rub it in. "Aha!" He jumped up and pointed at her. "You do think my jokes are funny!"

"Wh-what?" She quickly regained her composure. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I saw you smile, and I even heard you laugh! Admit it, you think I'm funny."

"Ugh! No. I didn't smile, or laugh. You must have been imagining things." She stood up, with her book in hand. "Anyway, I'm leaving now. At least be happy I was willing to listen to half of those jokes."

"Wait!" The Scout stopped her before she could leave. The Afflicter turned around. "Before you go… I've got one last joke for you. What did the light bulb say to its sweetheart? I love you watts and watts!"

For a moment, the Scout thought he saw the Afflicter's face turn ever so slightly pink.

Her expression softened. "Huh… I see what you did there..." She then glared at him. "It wasn't funny." She turned around and left the lounge.

Shortly after, the Demoman woke up. "Huhhh? Wha- what happened?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing much." Scout replied, shrugging off the Afflicter's upset reaction. "Flicks and I were just exchanging jokes. Turns out she actually a sense of humor."

**…**

The Afflicter quickly walked back to her room and locked the door. She really wished she hadn't stayed and listened to his silly jokes.

But still…

"The baseball jokes were… _muy cómico_." She whispered, as she couldn't help but giggle. "_Justo al igual que __é__l._"

* * *

**Normally, I'd put translations down here for when Flicks is speaking in Spanish. But not this time. If you _really_ want to know what she said, I suggest translating it on the internet yourself. You should get the right translation, or at least what I was trying to go for.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! I'll try to update Mercenaria soon... hopefully... eventually...**


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